Okay, scan past cookie dough dust powder in a box. Look at the brownie box on the right.
At first glance it is just brownie mix. Nothing new. Nothing genius. Nothing all that special.
Okay, for the sake of a colorful arguement, the name hints at "outrageous." Turn the box. Makes: Nine. Nine brownies. That's it? Its a heavy box. Weighs more than 9 brownies.
I keep reading.
Ingredients Two packets? Okay, maybe that makes you special. Nope. It doesn't. Your competition does that too. I keep reading. I want to find the "Outrageous" in the ingredients. The TomCruiseOnThePhone Voice in my head demands more from the list now: Show Me The Outrageous! Show! Me! The! Outrageous!
Ingredients Packet 1: Semi-sweet chocolate chunks (sugar, chocolate liquor, cocoa butter, chocolate liquor processed with alkali, soy lecithin [added as an emulsifier], salt). Ingredients Packet 2: Mini chocolate chips (sugar, chocolate liquor, cocoa butter, chocolate liquor processed with alkali, soy lecithin [added as an emulsifier], salt), sugar, malted wheat flour, alkalized cocoa 22-24%, natural flavors, baking powder, (sodium acid pyrophosphate, baking soda, cornstarch, monocalcium phosphate, salt). [as taken from product website]
It should be called Obnoxious Brownie Mix.
Sugar AND Chocolate Liquor AND Cocoa Butter THEN more chocolate liquor?
And that is only packet one.
Packet two? Hold the Phone kids!!! Wait for it! Wait for it!!
MORE Chocolate! That's right Chocolate Chips and that means MORE Sugar, More Chocolate liquor, More Cocoa Butter, and then literally Ina and her corporate chef peeps feel the need to add, oh, well, yeah MORE SUGAR?
Obnoxious.
Okay, its just a brownie mix.
No.
Look back at the picture.
Its a $14 brownie mix!
ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND??
Who in the world buys a $13-14 box of specialty sugar that bakes into brownies?!
Okay, I get that its branded because Ina put her name on it.
Okay, I get too that it was featured on Oprah's show.
Okay, I'll even grant you that it is a celebrity product because she has her own Cooking Empire with books and tableware and electronic egg cookers and $100+ gift baskets.
If you serve these do you have to repeatedly flaunt that "These are from Ina. These are Ina's recipie fresh out of a box. I got this from my friend Ina..." OR do you wallow in how astounding your family/friends must think you are to serve these 9 squares of decadence?
Price Comparison shopping:
Duncan Hines Chewy Fudge Brownie Mix goes on sale for .99 cents a box...
vs
Obnoxious (oops, my bad) Outrageous Brownie Mix for $13.99
But the only things Outrageous about this box of 66 grams of sugar are the arrogance to assume your product is worth that, and the ghastly amount of processed sugar in it.
But if that's your deal -- and you need celebrity pre packaged hyper processed sugar squares to make you happy. Then I celebrate you too. No hard feelings. Someone has to keep the celebrity chefs employed. What would happen if they knew you could find happiness in farmer's market fresh fruit and you didn't need them anymore? Gasp. The Foodie Netverk panics at the thought. Shhhhhh... this is just between you and me. The foodie celebs and the illuminati need not know you and I had this conversation, okay?
Wow, I have a sugar rush just thinking of these things... Who knew it was humanly possible to create a food only as big as your two thumbs that is nearly 300 calories. Yep, add it to the Absurdity has No Boundaries in the Foodie World file. Case closed.
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